Melts Xb

2004-06-10T11:21:00.000+08:00

hey guys, just to let ya all know that I have NOT closed down this blog of mine yet. Just been VERY occupied lately. yeah so that's all.

2004-05-27T02:11:00.000+08:00

The reason.

A week has past. So here I am blogging again. Was just about to start on my accounts revision when I suddenly remembered "oh I do have a blog." Yupz. Haiyz been feeling rather low for the whole of the week, so don't expect me to say anything really inspiring.

Sometimes I feel that human beings are really selfish. In a sense where they could be of a great help to a person but they chose not to just because of some misunderstandings among them. I tried all ways to figure out why is that so and stuffs like that. I do not hide the fact that I'm really upset when I know Siti couldn't make it to mount ophir. This trip really means a lot to her but it has to turn out like that. Few days ago when we told Ms Yvonne Seh about it she was filling us with hope and trust in her that she would settle everything. Then yesterday she came and told us "sorry Siti I can't let you go for the trip because it's too late, well never mind what, you still have next year, so...take care la." Little did she know that Siti's heart was already bleeding. It was as though all her dreams were smashed and moments of sadness filled the air. I know it. I know how she's feeling at that time even though she tried to show me she's not at all affected but this is NOT true. She's VERY upset let me tell you guys this. She IS upset. Even till now.

Well pardon me, I feel that some of the sec4s ncc guys don't try to put in any effort to help Siti at all. They just take it as it comes and that's the best that they could ever receive that kind of thing. It's like when I told them Siti can't make it to the trip anymore, they went "Oh...then wait for next year la...big deal?" I mean these people seriously lack of faith in believing that miracles will happen. Deep down within me, I was like telling myself that this could be done, don't give up yet because I know with perseverance, I'm sure my sincerity will touch Ms Seh's heart that kind of thing. I know and I've already foreseen what will happen if I continued. But somehow, fate is stopping me. It wasn't easy raising all those funds for the trip. All the effort put in, was..you know gone just like that. All the calls, smses, meetings and phone bills...blah all that. I went round gathering sufficient funds for Siti and I just want to give her the best that I could ever afford that kinda thing. But of course, I have already thought about all kinds of consequences before hand. Siti is a person who's very easily influenced. I know her well and I can even read her mind. I mean we are as close as sisters now, you know? So there's nothing she can hide from me. Sigh, the trip is on this Sunday. Argh let's just stop it. I have had enough. Don't wish to elaborate anymore. It's so damn infuriating.

I spent quite some time reflecting. And I've decided to stop wasting my time on a person who constantly puts me down. I know deep inside of him, there's a tendency that he still cares, but I don't wish to deceive myself anymore. Nothing has been done and forget it. I'm not gonna continue to pray and hope for things to change for the better. Nahz, not anymore. It's been a long long time. Right now I'm just glad that I'm able to FULLY concentrate on my studies after getting rid of all those heartwrenching thoughts and the confused emotions. Yupz, it does actually make my life easier and happier. So why not?

I did not shed another tear ever since after the Opening Ceremony. Well I don't intend to as well. Count myself lucky that I'm able to hold back my tears when they are already springing on my eyes. I've been trying to isolate myself from others for the past few days and just keep to myself and Siti that kinda thing. I just don't feel like associating with others now. Some kind of depression is taking place right now. Well I've thought about it, Iman was correct. I mean I do agree with his statement. Depression IS actually a normal thing really. It's a time for you to quietly think about all that you have done and do something about it, that boils down to the mind-set. He also said when you're having a crush on someone, your mind somehow sub-consciously casted a beautiful picture of you and that person and trust has taken place. Yupz, quite true really. I don't use to think about such theory in the past until I've come across it. Which is why I strongly believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason. All the situations and the people whom you've met are meant to help you along, there surely must be some purposes for why they are here right? So this guy had taught me something new. Something which really allow me to think hard. That's also another reason why I love all my friends, because they too have helped me a lot in my life. Yupz. Haiyz my tenses are still mixed up. Damn. Don't know since when I got this problem.

Keke, alright, it's about time. Exams are really really approaching. Hey don't forget it's my birthday once in a year on 20th June okay? Haha. =P Yeah. Alright cheer up roslyn, there are better things for you to look forward to. Yeah so I'm gonna do my best for this Mid-Year. Oh yeah I got back my results for both Chinese and English. Haha wanna make a guess? I scored 2 Distinctions for it Lolxz. =) Okay but...my guardian is not at all happy. Sigh who cares? It's my future and not hers. It's my life and not hers. So bleah, I don't give a damn. Yupz, gonna see ya guys around then. Take care and have a nice holiday! =)

2004-05-19T21:11:00.000+08:00

Heya I'm backie. =) Haha feeling great. Yeah.

So how's everyone doing?.. I'm doing pretty alright. Yeah still alive. Well I can finally take a break at last. So the next paper will be on 28th June which is my birthday month! *winks
Actually I'm not really looking forward to my birthday unless....yupz. I'm kind of stressed out lately. Due to the amount of pressure I faced from Mrs Caroline Tan. Got that right, the performance remember?

I woke up late this morning thinking it was some kind of holiday and I'd actually wanted to give school a miss but was reminded of the papers today! Phew, rock on roslyn. Yeah. Social Studies pretty easy actually, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Since it's idiot-proof so why not make use of this chance and score an A yeah? I studied till only 10+ last night, thinking of continuing at 3 but the alarm went off and I was too sound asleep so...as a result I woke up at 7 today. =X Got a scare man. Seriously.

Wasn't feeling too good in the morning, mood was swinging to and fro and I was anxious to get through with the papers. So, sorry to those who got snapped by me. Yeah.

Well frankly speaking, I'm just glad that I have this blog. For me to type out all my woes and kill my boredom. Last night was the turning point of my life. I ALMOST committed the offence made last year. I was like reminded of the many unhappy past while listening to some melancholy songs and didn't have the mood to carry on with my revision. BUT fortunately, through God's grace, Chee Yung once again enlightened me. Which is why I have always believed that whatever happens, happens for a reason and there surely must be a purpose for the situations which took place and the people whom we have met.

Okay, I'm over that. I've a lot on my mind actually. Wanting so much to say them all out here, but it's really personal, so I guess better not.

Time really flies and May is ending soon. Somehow I wanted very badly to get over this year but on the other hand, I don't wish this year to end so soon. A little contradicting huh? Well yeah. That's just me. I seriously will NEVER EVER have a sense of belonging in my class. I'm getting sickening and tired of all those punishments going on and delaying of lessons, so in the end, nothing was taught. So that boils down to why go school right? What for go to school when you get nothing accomplished in the end? Isn't is just a waste of time? Wasting not only the teachers but the students' time. Wasting the school resources. Wasting the privileges given to us. Wasting the electricity and water supplies in school. Wasting the desks and chairs which are often vandalized. So much stuffs get wasted and nothing is done to prevent all these from happening again. I just don't know what's wrong with all those normal academic pupils. I REALLY DON'T KNOW AND JUST DON'T KNOW!

Sigh, forget it. I'll just live with what I have now and make the best out of it. Well borrowed two psychology books yesterday in the library. Gotta get down to reading so catch ya all peeps around. Take care and a reminder to all upper secondaries. Please Do Not Overtire Yourself From Studying. Don't wanna end up like me right? Yeah. Bye! =)

9.04pm

2004-05-15T11:49:00.000+08:00

Today is the 15th of May 2004. I've got something to confess. I supposed you guys knew yesterday was the official Opening Ceremony for my school and how excited am I wanting to be part in it. But it all turned out otherwise.

It was an uneventful day for yesterday except for the outdoor parade and mass display. My physical health was at stake really but I kept telling myself that I gotta hold on and persevere. So right next is the post-concert performance. I told myself that that was gonna be the LAST night I'll be performing in school. The Last Night. So whatever it is, I'm gonna put in my best effort and make the best out of it. But little did I know that there were actually a small group of people who can't wait to see my string snapped at any point of time so as to end my performance. That really happened. http://gonewif-me.blogspot.com-Shi Hui's blog.

I seriously do not know how to verbalise my thoughts at that moment, it was my LAST performance in school and it gotta turned out in this way. I was truly upset and devastated. It's like for a musician, all the pride and dignity are placed on just that few stringes attached to the instrument, and the strings ARE NOT ALLOWED to be snapped until the whole performance is over. It matters A LOT for a musician actually. Those musicians or guitarist out there probably knew what I'm saying. It really hurts when I was informed that someone actually cursed me behind my back. WE did not have any grudges with each other and I have no idea why has she got to do that.

To me, I thought everything should have turned out alright. I spent quite some time practising the piece because Mdm Xu ( my formal instructor ) said my skills are worst than before. So in-order to prove her wrong, I tried to get back all the love I once had for music and set my mind in performing to my very best on that night. But the string snapped. I was like, couldn't accept it so graciously that kind of thing. I love music yes I do and that has never happened before in my life on stage. It was the first time yesterday and also the last.

I prayed to God to forgive the both of them for their sins because they were ignorant at that time. I do not wish to mention the other one here because I believe it's better for them to repent than shaming them here.

Mrs Tan must had been truly dissapointed with me. I do not know how to answer her for that. I guess I'll just live with it. I ain't feeling any better. Not at all.

And yesterday in case for those who have yet to know. Siti, my best buddy cried too. The both of us found out something which we shouldn't have at all. One of our dearest friend actually stole and commit a great crime. That's serious offence. Siti kept asking herself why? Why such thing had to happen. I was already too down with my case but I chose to put aside all my woes and deal with Siti's problems first. I'm really scared that she would once again commit suicide.

Seriously people, my secondary three life was like hell for me. And same again. The person whom I want to see most and hear from most yesterday did nothing. Nothing. Well I guess I'll just leave it. Basically I'm just tired. I thanked Alvin, Jia Rui, Siti, Aqila, Jasmine, Brenda, Yiling, Phyllicia, and the many many more out there who consloed me at that time. I appreaciate it. Thanks! I love you guys lots!

For that I'm just gonna end here. Exams are coming and I can't afford to repeat the same mistake again. So cyauz guys around and take care. All the best for the exams. Have a blessed weekend.

peace out.

2004-05-14T09:41:00.000+08:00

Okay so right I'm back. For those who are still wondering what actually happened to me back last week, scroll on.

It was a saturday evening when I'd afore promised my aunt to tutor my niece on her school subjects. So it all ended at around 9+. I chilled around at her house till around 1am when I've decided to just head stright home and sleep, Because...because... BECAUSE, I'm so so so so so tired. Just as I reached the bus-stop then did I realise I'd actually left my wallet behind. So I gave my aunt a call ( shucks, that woke her up really, a bad thing ) and kindly asked her to bring it down because her maid was already asleep. Okay okay I know I'm bad, but can't help really. Then the next thing before I know was I'm already in hospital. Kk woman and children's hospital. ( for those who are keen to know )

So I guess you guys can just put in a little bit of imagination and kind of predict what happened during the interval. So right, my aunt ( the kind soul ) was the one who sent me to hospital and she said I fainted on the ground. I've no idea what happened actually. Oh but well the doctor ( a male ) did a checkup for me and said the fainting was due to low blood pressure, over exhausted myself, insufficient rest, irregular meals....blah all that shit and stuffs you guys can think of. And guess what, my voice was LOST due to servere sore throat. I went "what?! what?! what?!" nothing came out. Shucks. I was so fustrated with myself because the Opening Ceremony is near. I know everybody put in a lot of effort in accomplishing it and all that stuffs, and I nevertheless, want to join in this meaningful occasion. I was like worrying and worrying that I may not recover on time and could not participate in Opening Ceremony.

Then all my friends went like "Oh roslyn, please you are seriously ill, ( seriously ill? ) dont treat the Opening Ceremonoy more important that you OWN health!" Okay okay, but they don't know what the hell how much I have put in. I tried all means to get all the sec1s to do the dance, ( mass display you knoe? ) to motivate them, encourage them, all that stuffs and to put in more energy to make this Opening Ceremony an eventful one. And I was requested to perform as a soloist in the post-concert. I don't want to miss that chance! I DON'T WANT TO MISS THAT CHANCE!!!

Inside the hospital I almost went crazy thinking about SO much stuffs. I was like, oh God, please let me recover fast so that I will be able to join in this special occasion. I want to be part of it. I really wanna. But my condition got worst instead. I was actually given a week of mc but I forced myself to go to school on the second day. The reason? I want to do my best in the Opening Ceremony. I REALLY WANNA!!! I don't know how many out there can actually understand or have a feel of how desire I am that kind of thing, and how many can actually hear my cries for it. I don't know. But for one thing I want you guys to know is that C'mon, let's just do well for this Opening Ceremony. It's only a day and all will be over. All those preparations and efforts will NOT be wasted. Really. C'mon, let's just all do our part.

Sigh. I'am very sad actually. During the 3 days stay in Kkwach. Friends DID visited me. But the one whom I want to see most did not even message me or anything. He didn't and that's what hurts. I don't think he cares anyway. I cried and cried for no reason at all. Absolutely no reason. I thought after having knowing him, I will no longer need to shed another tear but I was wrong. He gave me more reasons to cry instead. I kept praying to God for things to change for the better and for things to improve, but never did once He answered my prayer. Perhaps no one really knows about it. Not even Siti. Oh well she's a very cool friend actually. I love hanging out with her. She gave me more reasons to smile. She's the one who adds light into my life. I know she's got some disciplinary problems but hey, people needs chances. She's got the determination to change. So people out there, stop discriminating her! I won't those who bullied her off. Watch your back!

So right, Opening Ceremony's up in a few more hours time. I am really anxious. Haha seriously anxious about it. I just tell myself to spent this day well and fine. And make the best out of it! Yeah. I love my life that way. Just love it. So people, I strongly urge all of you to live life meaningfully and take good care of your health, you don't wanna end up like me do you? SO take care! And Have a blessed weekend! =)

2004-05-08T10:25:00.000+08:00

It was an uneventful day. So was I being a little too much yesterday? Well I don't think so. Perfectly alright in my opinion. Was just glad that I didn't meet him today in school or else who knows what I would have done. I just find it irritating and dope. But actually crushes are normal. It's part of growing up. People always used the word “flirt” at the wrong time. Flirt is when you behaved in a sexually affectionate way towards the opposite sex and that does not boils down to those conversations exchanged which you actually enjoy very much. But somehow, I don't have a good impression with people who toyed with other's feelings. Just have no idea how they managed to do that. Don't they feel guilt sometimes? Where exactly is their conscience? This whole universe is made up of people like that which indirectly led to many unhappiness among people.

Okay I'm currently not in the mood for such things. Gotta really bad sore throat and have yet to start on my composition. Shucks. Gonna attend church tomorrow. It's been a long time. Three weeks already I think. Religions can be quite personal at times. I'd prefer to have a religion which is challenge by choice and not something which you believe in because you have to that kind of thing. It's kinda vexing after a while because I kept receiving calls from those church pals of mine questioning this and that. Blah. Shucks. I know how well I'm progressing and there's no need for them to over doing it.

I just wanna live my life the way I want it. I don't want to be controlled by anything. Absolutely nothing. Does education really matters? Well in Singapore SURE it does. But that does not applies when you're in some isolated countries. Especially in those kampong villages whereby education are not so widely scattered. Blah what am I talking about? Shucks. Guess I'm having a headache now.

I have a lot to comment about Singapore's Education man. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I personally feel that the government shouldn't have split secondary courses into four streams. Normal Technical, Normal Adademic, Express and Special. What the government is thinking at that point of time might be the subjects students are taking and how well can they cope with it. But still I think is rubbish.

Okay look, normal technical students are often looked down upon by a lot of people especially in Singapore, thus that makes them feel more and more unwanted and eventually turn to those bad companies and blah. Normal Academic is slightly better but not much of a difference at all. Students there often lacked of motivations and determination to study. To them it's like what for study? That kind of thing. Then Express students often think themselves as an “A” quality, tend to get arrogant after a while and so on...all those craps. I do not know much about Special but I guess not much of a difference when compared to Express. Hence, what happens is that I feel the government shouldn't seperate them all into all these four streams. When the same kind of people are together, there's no some examples for them to look up to, which explains why there have been so little improvements made. In fact the government should have place some Express and Normal Academic students together so as to “pull” them up, yup you got the idea? So basically, Singapore's Education doesn't really make any sense to me. I just don't really like it.

Ps: All of the things mentioned above are just plainly my own opinions.

My mood has been swinging to and fro since yerterday till now. Kinda unstable and critical. Why critical? Because I may anytime laspe into a silent depression. This IS true, but hey I'm over that. Yeah. That's where the difference lies. Shucks. I don't feel like writing anything at all, and definitely NOT composition now. But it's like I HAVE to do it, and not because I WANT to do it. Stupid thing to have choosen me for this. Alright that's all for today. Catch ya all some other time. Roslyn's exhausted. Blah.

2004-05-07T02:17:00.000+08:00

Who is the "he" ?

Hey hell man. Just came across someone's online journal which make me feel like an idiot all along. He sucked BIG TIME! But it was that sucky bitchy style of his that make me wanna have a second look. Didn't know what characteristics of his attracted me in the first place. He seriously SUCK! Oh well, didn't really mean it anyway, just at that moment. Yeah you got it? I went "oh fuck, why did I spend SO much time in getting over him when he's not even worth it at all." Basically he's just one hell of a bad guy who toys with people's feelings like nothing. Okay and because I was rather furious over this matter which make me rant at my guardian for nothing and now she's ignoring me AGAIN. Shucks. I find Singapore pretty shitty actually. Or maybe because I'm more on the american side? I have no idea why, just find it sickening to live in this stupid bloody Singapore all of a sudden.

How would you react when you actually found out someone whom you spent EXTREMEMLY long periods getting over actually has five major crushes & claims that he loves a person dearly and truly? Crap. Nonsense. I seriously think such person in this world shouldn't even exist at all. Alright I do not know what the hell I'm doing to actually scorn him till so badly out of the blue. Think it's due to the peer influence of HIS entries. Shucks. He SUCKS BIG TIME!

Oh God, I'm thankful to you for letting me discovered the address & manage to browse through it in such a short time. For those people out there, guess I do not have to mention his name yeah? You all know who HE is. Fuck. And Godammit! He's actually in MY school. So that means I would be facing him or meeting him somehow or another when I feel like giving him infinity tight slaps and a good bashing up! I won't give a good damn if he knows about it anyway because it doesn't really matter. But well the chances are minimize. Today is a time for me to rave on all bad things about him. I'm hating him YES I AM! Cool roslyn, at least you know what's right and what's wrong. Fuck. I just feel like scolding the "F" word for absolute no reason at all. Say whatever you guys want, this IS my blog so stay out of my affairs! It's none of your business! Get your ass out of here!

Okay shucks, I'm being a little too "vulgar" today, just for today only. Ahhh think I got it. Have you ever wondered why do most people find pleasure in vulgarities? Because it produced a sense of accomplishment after all that has been said and done. Vulgarities itself possessed some kind of angerness & mixture of feelings which makes you get that sense of satisfaction & when your angry or whatsoever, vulgarities does it! Yupz. You get
the idea? So that taught me another lesson, try to listen to your friend's advices.

I just wanna mention manes today. Bryan ( can say we are real good friends ) has told me countless times that he's not worth it, he's just NOT worth it. But hey guess what? I did not heed his advices. Sufyan ( hopefully my brother ) kind of said the same thing but not totally. Chuanying ( quite a cool and nice friend, yeah good friend ) said he's such an arse man. Just Not Worth It. And of course, more to come but that's all for now. Guess human learns from the hard way. This matter didn't get around to many people. Just only a few knows the exact story. Bryan's one of the few.

Oh well I've got something to say as well. Chuanying is actually a hell of a nice guy. Only when you have got to know his inside all that shit. Blah. Haha no offence. But seriously, I don't mind saying this out, the girl who (someday ) becomes his girlfriend can consider herself as the luckiest girl in this whole whide world. I don't know. Just feel it. So people out there, talk to him, get to know his inside. He's just another cool guy I've met. Yeah. Hey s.c.y I'm advertising for ya man and above all, it's FOC ( Free Of Charge!) Haha, alright I'm just pulling your leg. I'm currently listening to some hard core music to keep those rantings and hatred about him going on, because I knew I'm gonna "Switch Mood" the moment I listened to emotional songs. No way!

Above all, he still SUCKS. Well maybe not always but definitely for now. Hmm but what I said now might not be what I meant latta. So...you guys just have to figure it out ( if you bother to ) Well I don't even give a kick about my moods and feelings all that because I'm so Unpredictable. Hmm got that right. Yeah.

Told myself that I'm NOT gonna participate in this year's Talent Quest. The reason why? I just don't feel like it and besides HE will be there competing so..nahz. I'm kind of sick of my Chinese Instrument. Seriously, had always been like this since primary six. And now I'm sec three. Shucks.

Hey from today onwards, I'm not gonna give a damn to whatever things out there anymore. I just want to be me and myself, that's it. You know? And though I will continue to reach out to more people out there but I don't feel like including the romance part. This opens to all relationships. I felt so much lighter after I rid myself off those past and fond memories. Especially where love is concern. Yeah. The feeling is just great and refreshing. Love it. At least right now. Okay think it's long enough and I'm almost done with it.

Was choosen yet again for this stupid story writing competion where those judges expect us to write more than a thousand words above, or best still few thousands. Don't think I'll be able to have enough time to complete it but will still try my best. Having Opening Ceremony Rehearsal outdoor parade tomorrow. So that means the chance of seeing him increase! Argh duh. Forget it. Gonna concentrate on my story now. See ya guys around & yeah, thanks for all the time spent reading. Roslyn appreciates it.

He still SUCKS.

2004-04-30T20:36:00.000+08:00

What the mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

4 days have past. I guess I did not really love her at all. I was plainly deceiving myself. The song "From The Heart - Another Level" accompanied me through the times when I'm in the doldrums. I guess I would rather stand alone. My voice was faded to a whisper when she spoke about my academic. Her two tight slaps was incredibly harsh and had left a mark on my soft and tender skin. Looking intently at her unpleasant twisted smile, despair flooded my being.

I was really upset when I thought of the times wasted on a person but felt it was worth it after all had been said and done. The mid-year english papers are arriving soon in 2 days time. I felt like a spring that had been wound too tight. I had two tests back-to-back, and I was anxious to get through with them. At the same time I'm expected to be able to maintain my stright-A grade-point average.

Everyone has their own problems that I know, but far from what I can imagine. I was trying to figure out exactly what tremendous or magical power does God possessed to have the ability to reach out and touch on people's lives indefinitely. It seems very impossible to do so but in God's will, nothing is ever impossible for Him. I especially liked this particular phrase which Mrs Tan had said. “ What The Mind Can Conceive And Believe, It WILL Achive.” Yeah, well said. Marvelous phrase and beautiful words used.

If only ALL of the people in this whole wide world understand the importance of how much one can fulfill with the time given to us, I'm sure this world would be a better place than what it is now. But that's just life. If everybody had understood this principal of living, than perhaps more people could be reach and call for and there won't be so much sufferings and poverty taking place.

Yesterday we ( hpt members ) together with the secondary threes went to cheer for the B'division volleyball girls finals. Well, the end results was pretty obvious so I'm not going any further on that. Throughout the whole match, the school's spirit wasn't even there at all. Nobody felt a sense of belonging over there and that's one out of the many reasons why our school lost to Jurong secondary school. Leslie ( our sir, but I see him more like a mentor ) had inspired us to the next greater heights. He talked about how we can influenced the school more positively. I personally think Clement was right. He said that Hpt no longer jelled with the school anymore. It's as though we see ourselves as a formidable cheering team which doesn't required outsider's help or whatsoever. This is a very wrong concept.

Many people must have known me well by now. I'm always trying my best to reach out for the many people out there and ready to talk to them about Hpt and other stuffs. I know many out there do not have a good impression about Hpt but well when you have come to realize and are sure of what's Hpt is all about, I'm sure your impression will change, throughly. You guys can't just judge Hpt by it's outlook. Yes even though there may be some “Black Sheeps” among us, who are rather arrogant and hostile towards others, but you can't deny the fact of what we have contributed to the school. Right?

I'm really serious about Hpt now and am going all out for it despite people's disapproval. Hpt is really all about caring and sharing. Serious. So the message which I'm trying to convey to all of you here is “Never Be Deceived By The Outlook Of Things.” Only when you have know it then can you judge it.

All right that's all for now. All the best for the upcoming exam papers and rememeber not only to study hard but smart. Yeah take care and Smile! =)

2004-04-25T10:48:00.000+08:00

I Love Her Lots! 25th April!

Uh huh so here I am once again. Blogging! Oh cool. All my nightmares are
finally over. Today is a special day. It's 25th April! My guardian's birthday. I really loved her lots now when compared to last time. I couldn't envisage a life without her and it's truly devastating. Now that she's recovered from her illness and I'm just so glad that she's here with me. Thanks God.

I have come to realize and learn what kinship is all about because basically I do not have any kind of kin's love since young. The transition from an adolescent to a teenager surely have it's effect on me. The one who's so used to being an independent kid now relies heavily on her guardian for everything. That's a good thing though. Ha.

Music is never tiring for me. It's something I adore and admire to the fullest. It doesn't shout back at me or rant and rave at me for things that arises people's disapproval. Music's my life! =) It plays a significant role for who I am now. Nothing in this world is ever perfect and nothing in this world is ever-lasting. I'm not talking about God's eternal life but I'm just treating it as a saying. Many adults often misunderstood that life is perfect just the it is but in actual fact it isn't.

Mrs Eileen Yeo, my history teacher whom I especially take my hats off her has shown us many facts about life. Quotable quotes like " the mind once expanded never returned to it's original size" inspired me to a greater height. History can be considered as one of my favorite subject for now and I'm surely gonna excel in it. Yeah.

Life is just mainly a word, a quote or a saying. It means nothing actually. It's just how people define it based on their own beliefs and religions all that which confused and complicated human beings and twisted their mind-set upside down. Life is all about imperfectness. If one says he has already live life to the fullest without any failures, he has NOT live life. Life is make up with lots and lots of failures and without the lack of enthusiasm.

Well as I said before, all of the above are just plainly my own opinions and views, so you guys don't have to be too bothered about it. Each individual is unique and what makes them unique is they each have A Mind Of Their Own. =) Yeah. So I'm just gonna end here. Haha. Can't wait to spend quality time with my guardian. To all people reading this entry right now.

I LOVE MY GUARDIAN LOTS!!!

LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HELOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HERLOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER!!!

Haha okay I'm NOT mad. It's just a way to tell you guys just how much I loved her. Yeah. But of cos, it's infinity love. There's never-ending to this love. So cyauz guys around and take care evrybody! Smile! Enjoy yourself thoroughly this weekend and get sufficient rest for the upcoming exams.
Rawksx On People! 8-)

2004-04-20T20:36:00.000+08:00

Shag

Alright, let's begin with a good evening. I've just reached home from school. Hmmm how long have I not been blogging? Oh well can't help anyway, there's just SO much activities going on in school. It's none other than the Opening Ceremony. ( we call it the O.C ) Heyy it's a show on channel 5 too! =)

Lately, one thing benefited me greatly. That is sensitivity no longer becomes part of an important issue to me. Everything now is easy come easy go. It's either accept it or just leave it. My schedules are hell of a hectic that I don't even have time to sit down and think peacefully. Somehow I'm tired. My guardian is seriously ill now, my maid's contract is over, and I've to “take care” of ALL the household chores at home. Everyone at home ruffled and lasped into a depressive mood. I am just a kid. A 14+ year old kid. Schooling and heavily involved in lotsa school related activites. Currently holding onto a part time job as a tutor. ( tutoring my niece) Vowed to be committed in Hpt and all my other CCAs. Neglection to studies is a No No, even at times when I'm really exhausted. ( physically )

Ever since the day my guardian had fallen ill, I slept at about 3+am daily and this has been going on for 2 weeks already. It was only yesterday did I manage to catch 10 hours of sleep. Shiok! :D A slow curve formed on my face instantly. I guess this is just the life I have to endure for the time being and I BELIEVE that things will eventually turn for the better. God can't bear to see me suffer anyway.

I tell myself, it does not matter if I have lost any friends or whosoever, because in the end, I still have God. His love never fails and He loves me abundantly. He's my saviour.

There are times when I do feel like giving up and I weep till I was exhausted, but it did not change the fact of things being toasted. So I kept telling myself that r0sLyN, you will get through it. You WILL get through it. I just keep it going on and on in my mind. For one thing about me, I always believe there must be a purpose for all these going on right now. Just take my guardian falling ill as an example, I have learnt to appreciate her more and not take her for granted. Just imagine the amount of household chores IF you guys have to do after a day's work? Would you be able to take it? So yeah, NEVER take things for granted. What happens, happens for a reason. I still BELIEVE that things will change for the better and it just will. For my power of beliving is far from what you all can ever expect.

I guess I have really grown up. My friends are right. Secondary three is the turning point of your life. I AM really growing up. Alright people, I think that's all I can update for now. Time's up. I have gotta go pracise my instrument ( the chinese guitar you people so call? ) Haha I was requested to play it on the Opening Ceremony as a soloist. And later on finish up all my work both in school and at tuition. Then do some household chores and finally, no not done yet, still got to revise all my text then would I be able to SLEEP peacefully. SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!!! Haiyz, I miss my bed. Okay goodbye guys! Take care and enjoy the rest of your day! SmiLe! ( it DOES brighten up your day and people looked good when they SMILE! )

2004-04-14T21:21:00.000+08:00

Hang on there!

Notice those wordings on the left? Sounds familiar doesn't it? Well that's
what we call life. No one can really defines what life is all about. Some say life is meant to enjoy and live with pleasures while others just take it as it comes. If you ask me, I will say there holds a certain meaning in life because I truly believe that everyone is born with a purpose. There must be a reason for why we are all here and it's to make this world a better place for each individual to live in. All right, even so, some might still hold back onto what I've just said.

I'm not trying to act like a philosopher but that is just the way I am. Because not many would make an endeavour to find their purpose in life. I find my friends laspe into a world full of irrational thoughts and often manipulate by their heart instead of their mind. This can be considered kind of indifferent from the past. Well yeah everybody grows, both spiritually and socially.

Sometimes I wish that people would just leave me alone and don't come bugging for stuffs which doesn't really concern me. It's kind of vexing after a while. But it's the tender and soft side of me which refuses to say no to their requests. Rest assure, I know when to do what. =) Don't forget I'm r0sLyN. Yeah.

I got back my chemistry class test papers, Woah, just what I've expected, I managed to top my level for it. I guess it's something which I MUST do after all. Today's history paper was super duper tough man! I had wanted to score an distinction for it after all preparations but Mrs Eileen Yeo actually took the initiative to give us the O-level papers instead. =/ But, it's a good try after all. =)

Lately, the past is harking back on me again. More on my academic. I felt disheartening whenever I thought about it. I have clearly forgotten how it's like to have lessons in the express stream classes. Communication between friends seemed to break down as well. I tried to bridge the gap by talking about stuffs which concerned all of us but...you know?. Haiyz.

I believe that things will eventually turn out for the better. It won't always be in this manner. And I know this week is gonna be a rather or extremely busy week, so I just wanna say take care to those reading this entry right now. Remember, it's never too late to change and never too late to start finding your own purpose in life. Believe in yourself and you will make it far. =)

2004-04-09T18:27:00.000+08:00

No tittle.

Hey people, good to see you all back here. Today is good friday, the day where Jesus was crucified. I've watched The Passion secretly ( don't ask me how I do it, you guys should know ) It had tremendous effects on me up till now, I could never forget the scene where His hands was nailed on the cross but even though he kept praying for those uncivilised people. This had shown how much Jesus loved us. It's through this movie that I've learnt to forgive and forget even more.

I know many sec4s are going through a period of tough time right now preparing for their o-levels but health matters above all things.So sec4s, please don't overtired yourself but just give in your best shot. But of course, it pays to be hardworking. Okay coming back to the usual topic which is me. Lately I realize my health is deterioting, been having bad headaches and gastric pain which caused my writing hand to shiver non-stop especially on rainy days. I have forgotten how I manage to spend my week without my brother by my side. So much have happened. I don't know. I'm feeling rather weak and uncomfortable as in physically. Guess I'm falling ill. Sigh. That's a negative news for me because exams are approaching!

Not that I wanna demoralize my class once more but it's just the fact which can't be hid. I'm currently involved in a project worth of 60marks to be added in my final year examinations score. My team members consist of Sastri, ( the more diligent one ) Elyn, (the one who's always slacking and doing nothing) Xu man, (no.2 elyn) and last but not least, Me the group leader. I felt so sickening to work with them. They always get nothing accompliahed and always caused us to lose several marks. Argh!!! No matter how hard I tried to get them motivated and to settle down, they just won't heed my advises. I'm beginning to hate school. It's a place for me to learn and not to tolerate such things. How I wish there will never be projects, well at least Not In My Class! I DON'T BELONG TO 3C1!!!

Shucks, everything is just so blunt and the project's deadline in next tuesday. NEXT TUESDAY!!! How am I gonna get all things accomplish without their co-operation? Mrs Ang has already given up. But I'll continue to persevere at all cost. Well sorry guys, my mind seemed to be a bit out of sort so there's a little mixture of tenses here and there. 60Marks. I needed every single marks to get back to the express stream. I hate 3C1 TO THE CORE!!!!! Don't ever expect me to have a sense of belonging in that class. That's never gonna happen. Not now not ever!

Haiyz, I'll just hope everything will be done by tuesday.

Life, isn't something everyone understands. It's just how human defines it based on their own religion and background. That's my conclusion laah. =) Haha I was just carried away by that project thingy. Well anyway people, I'm very concern and worried for all of you. Just bear in mind no matter what happens, you are not going through this alone. Please let me know if there's anything I can be of help to even if it's just listening. I'd be glad to do whatever that I'm being asked of. Serious. Share your burdens with me by not bottling them up. I just lurrrve all my friends and bros too much to be true. Ignore what I've said for the past few entries. It's not true that you all have lost your value in my heart. Not true at all. It's just me alone. I needed space at that time which is why I would say out such hurtful things. I'm sorry to those offended. I still lurve all of you. Really and I cherish all moments spent with you all. Have a nice weekend and feel free to contact me whenever ya all encounter any problems alright? =)

lurveya!
SmiLe! =)

2004-04-03T10:14:00.000+08:00

Okay people, I was talking rubbish yesterday so you guys can just ignore it.
Had a change of song and this what I truly mean now. Ha I'm still the same usual cheerful roslyn. Cyauz peeps around!

2004-04-02T21:06:00.000+08:00

Dead

I am stuck with this song for a total of 2 days already. I have no idea why but all I know is that it kinda touch my heart. Hey people, I don't wish to blog anymore. It's so lame and besides you guys don't seem to have learnt anything out of it so what's the point? Nothing to me matters now. I'm serious. Because lately I have realize I'm just someone whom people like to make use of. When they are happy, they come to you and when they are not, they just shoo you aside. When they are angry, they vent their anger on you and when they are moody, they take you as a substitute for something else.

I don't know why have I changed to this state. Perhaps it's because I'm no longer the roslyn you have known. No longer the one who will give you endless motivations and endless encouragements when you needed. No longer the one who will always be there for you and forsake my time doing nothing with you guys. All these occurred only because of a reason. That is friends have lose their value in my heart. Same goes to siblings and so forth. I don't know why. Just so unsure of it. It might be that I'm hurt way too much. I have already told you guys don't know how many times that I can't afford to get hurt once more. I would rather be dead than alive. But you guys never once heed it.

People, I am just so tired. Life doesn't really consist of a purpose to me anymore. I don't wish to reach out for the many out there anymore and everytime I do so, I gain nothing but lost my trust. I tried so hard on my studies but never once have I received a compliment from anybody. I wanted so desperately to get back to the express stream but somehow fate doesn't allow me to. People looked down on me and people scorned me and spoilt my reputation and demoralized me to a point where I can't take it anymore. I have been asking myself why. Why roslyn. Why must you chose to take that path at that time? If not everything would be well and done by now. My studies... even if I get straight A's, no one would take notice of it. I cried and moaned, till I was so exhausted. Now that my uncle's back. I have to start adapting to a brand new environment. I don't have that much of a privacy anymore. I'm not used to having a man in my house, get me?

I know suicide is foolish, but right now it seems the best way to avoid all my problems. But don't ever worry I will commit suicide because only foolish people do that. I'm not foolish. At least not that foolish. But people, what I really need now is just your encouragements to keep me going on. At least let me know that I'm not alone to fight this battle. While typing this out, I read through all my journal entries from the beginning till now and just realized most of my entries consisted of nothing but sadness. Sadness sadness and more sadness. I guess my life is sad somehow.

So my conclusion is I just need some time to recover. I'm hunger for all of your support and dying to acknowledge all of you. I kept asking God and praying to him why is it that out of so many people, I have to be the one to suffer all these? Why is it that out of so many people, I have to lose both of my parent at such a young age of six? And why is it that I have a guardian whom I can't get along well with young. Why is it that I can't have peace and harmony between my relatives and why is it that I'm so sensitive? WHY WHY WHY?! I think I'm falling sick. Finally. After all these breakdowns, I'm going to have a break. A long break. And I don't intend to wake up either. I just want to lie down slowly and rest blankly.

The roslyn is dead. Only a person can revive her back.

2004-03-31T21:23:00.000+08:00

Dupe.

Today was an uneventful day. There wasn't anything eye-catching at all. Those sentences were rumbling over and over again in my brain. Explosive and baffling. Unable to verbalize all those thoughts and filled with a vague apprehension on my life, I glanced through the texts apathetically. Books swished shut and thudded into desks. Not wanting to commit the same mistake, I raminated on my past years academic results. Dreams of straight A's collasped into nightmare, chills raced down my spine upon thinking that. It was then I took out my text yet again and make every endeavour to achieve my targets on the long run.

I'm kind of like gotten so used to seeing things changed just overnight. I'm just so sicked of it and I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's all so fake. Nothing was real to the extend of kindness begets kindness. Only studies can make me feel wanted and secured. Nothing else matters. I mean when a person had reached the climax of his/her life, and had worn-out entirely, life doesn't consist any purpose for him/her. To that person, it's all about existence. Don't bother to please someone who doesn't seemed to be appreciating you at all. It's just plainly a waste of time. I found myself always been treated as a substitute for everyone and for everything. Am I so useful to many? Just because they were having a hard time getting over the past doesn't mean I'm not having a hard time as well.

It hurts to know the truth.

Which is why sometimes I'd rather not know the truth. Because only then would I be able to prevent myself from getting hurt again. I am just so unsure and I have no idea if this year would be a repeation of last year. But for one thing I'm aware is that I've learnt my lesson through the hard way and it's tedious. I'm not going to allow myself to be trapped into darkness again. I want to reach for the light.

I tell myself it's okay if people doesn't wanna be with me, it's their lost and not mine. Friends seem to have lost their value in my heart. All because my trust was betrayed not once not twice but countless times. I won't risk hurting myself again, never ever. Forgive and forget? I can't believe how God managed to do it. It's kind of hard and not many are THAT forgiving enough to all mistakes committed by others. It's really trying for “the impossible.”

I heaved a sigh. Mid-year exams are approaching. It's just weeks away. I have got to keep my mind off stuffs and just concentrate fully on it. For I do not want to waste a whole full year. I guess I will just stand alone and start being really independent. In a way where I will not bear all promises made in mind and believed wholeheartedly in them. Especially my god-siblings. So in future, please please please, don't make empty promises to me if you can't fulfill it for the next time round, I would really break down and suffer silently.

I felt so hurt even till now.

2004-03-30T20:35:00.000+08:00

I didn't know I was such a fool all along. To have believed in all those promises. What brothers what siblings. All these were rubbish. What I'll always be here for you and you don't have to worry about losing me...blah. It's absolutely nonsense! That's why I can tell all of you that nothing last forever. Nothing. Have they forgotten all the times spent in encouraging one another and all those endless motivations to keep on going? Yes they have. And they simply have no idea how much they have hurt the other party.

From the next moment onwards, I will no longer believe in those promises made and I will also not trust a person too easily. They have betrayed me way too many times and it's time to put everything to a stop. Nothing else to me matters other than my studies. At least it's something which will never abandon me nor forsake me. I thought after letting go all of the heartwrenching relationships thingy, everything would start afresh but I was wrong. Feelings are so powerful at times and it can even trigger one's emotions. These emotions if bottled up would result in one ending his life. I am so stupid to have place all my trust in you. I don't know what's the matter with you and can't we just talk things out? Why do you have to rant and rave on it so much and let your anger get the better over you? You have no idea how harsh your words are and the negative effect it has caused in me. I am really upset with the way you treat things. You seem to take things for granted and I was just so silly to be used by you.

I am very serious about this matter this time round. Once I have decided nothing else matters it means nothing. Just nothing. I have gotten hurt way too many times and now I'm stony-hearted. Nothing will change my heart and mind in doing so. Fine then if you wanna keep a distance. It's perfectly okay, but I'm dissapointed because you have make use of my trust in you. People reading this blog, you do not have to know who this person is and in fact it's none of your business so just stay clear of it. Don't keep coming to me and question this and that. It's very irritating. I will never be the usual roslyn again. Never Ever.

2004-03-27T10:33:00.000+08:00

Just believe

Ah there, a brand new template yet again. This time black and white. I just want to inject a sense of humour into my life. It's only a line between black and white. The same goes for life. It's either you get it or you don't. Well anyway a week has past and I'm still the same rosLyn you're gonna see down here. =)

This week is mainly all about my academic. I presume by now everyone should know I'm in normal academic course. Actually there isn't much of a difference to me but otherwise, I'm affected badly. Everything has a negativity and a positivity side of it. It only depends on how we treat it. Yup indeed. The only reason why I'm trying so hard to inject some humour in my life right now is because I want to light up this world and brighten up people's life. But sadly enough to say, I've lost part of it.

The world outside is far more than we can imagine. Looking intently at all my classmates, I pray that my worries are in vain but when I see the scene of them being punished and the smiles of people who has more than a hint of mockery around us, my hopes shattered. All these are nothing when compared to the torture of those who are still wondering why are they born into this world for. Take some of my classmates for example, they have yet to find the real meaning of purpose in life and still going around aimlessly.

There is always a limit to what one can do but not so in my case. I believe I can do much more than I am now. For I believe my power of influence is far from what you all including myself can imagine. I am born with a purpose, and my purpose is to make a meaningful deep impact and a long-lasting one in people's life. I don't wish to elaborate any further on my classmates or else someone's gonna say I'm suaning them again.

Well anyway, ever since Mrs Ang speak to me on the chances of transferring back to the express stream has been minimized, I sort of lose the spirit of fighting. Seriously, I am just so unsure of myself. What my tutor advises me is to continue in the normal academic stream, for this sentence "slow and steady wins the race" has it's meaning for it. On the other hand, one of my hpt Sir Shannon encourages me to keep trying, no matter how hard it is just gives off my best to go back express and not waste a whole full year.

Well I have think about it and I'm going to take up the more challenging route. That is to make every endeavour to go back to the express stream for I do not want to waste my time. There is no "ifs" in my life. It's either I do it or I don't. We can't always assume we are going to succeed or not without making the attempt to try. Only when you have tried would you know the end results. So therefore, there shouldn't such thing call "ifs" in this world.

Haha let me share something with you guys. Ever since fyan talk to me about relationships stuffs, my burdens are a lot more lighter than before. This is especially so when I have decided to let go. And at that moment I know it was worth it. I used to think how it's like to hold on and eventually I would get it. But reality has prove me wrong. It's okay actually, only then would I grow stronger both spiritually and mentally.

Sometimes I wonder where do I get so much energy and enthusiasm within me to motivate all my friends and siblings up. I am always hyperactive with additional of funky and cranky attitudes to light up the atmosphere. But well I take it as a gift from God. A precious one. I love to cheer and that's just part of me. People who has good sense of humour always have friends surrounding them. that's one thing I realize. Nothing is ever too late for you to realize and to do. To me, even if today is my last day on earth, I will still continue to reach out for the many of them who have yet to find a purpose in life. I am really determined to do so regardless of all the consequences I'm gonna face aftermath.

Passion of the Christ is showing on the theatre soon. So it's therefore my honour to invite all of you and watch with me. It's really a good show. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just watch it. Everyone watches movie and in my opinion, this is a very good chance to reach out for the many lost out there. So friends, siblings, people I strongly urge you guys to watch it. It has tremendous power and influence to all of us. I repeat ALL OF US!

Yep, and that's all for now. Thanks for the time spent reading my blog attentively. Oh and one more thing, friends come and go. You don't have to follow what others do. Just be yourself because only in this way would you have a mind of your own. So Jia Yan are you hearing this? Bear this in mind that nothing last forever. So things will change for the better if you believe it will. Your main piority now is to concentrate on your studies and nothing else. Cos in my opinion, studies is the only thing which can bring you up to the next level and it will never abandon you nor forsake you. The decision lies in nobody's hand but yours. I repeat, THE DECISION LIES IN NOBODY'S HAND BUT YOURS YOURS YOURS!!! You can do it Jia Yan, I strongly believe you can. Just remember that You are not alone, you still have me! It kinda hurts me to see you behaving in this manner and yesterday you shocked me with your tears right in front of everybody. Please don't Jia Yan. Everyone is really worried about you so don't let us down. Do take care and I'll always be there for ya. Maybe not the first but I can always be there. Just For You. =)

I flash my sweetest smile for everyone! =) Goodbye. Have a blessed weekend!

With loves,
rosLyn.

2004-03-20T10:38:00.000+08:00

Smiles!

Woohoo! I'm bacKie!! haha are you guys happy to see me? Yeah I supposed so. Well eh no apologies for not updating 'cos Nahz, you don't hafta know. Like my New Template??? Ha I must be such a genius to get that done within a few minutes. ( okay, crapping I know ) Or you guys prefer the previous one? Whatever it is, I just wanna change, so yeah. =) So March holidays are ending soon, what have you all been doing man? Have you all learnt anything throughout or whatever? Without further ado, let me fill you in on the latest happenings about m.e. =)

These are my schedules---> ( Look down not here, you dummy =X )
* Monday- PAW dinner outing at woodland Pizza hut.
*Tuesday- School's opening ceremony rehearsal.
*Wednesday- Chinese orchestra practices.
*Thursday- Hpt Treasure hunt Outing.
*Friday- Chinese orchestra practices.
*Saturday- The only Free Day.
*Sunday- Church Services.

Uh huh so from the above you can see how hectic my schedule is yeah? Actually it isn't that bad after all as I've learnt a bundles from each activity. That's a real good thing. And of cos I would be glad than most to share it with you guys out there!

Firstly, ( pardon me if I sound so formal, I know that isn't me but I jz feel like it ) let me re-introduce myself to you all a.g.a.i.n. I am a girl, ( duh ) currently at the turning point of my life. Have a great dream inspired by many and the desire to fulfill it tells it all. Wanna make a difference in other's life and create miracles! Ha really determine and have the power to influence. Ha okay, I'll just stop here or else somebody's gonna get jealous again. =p

Next congratulate me on coming to my senses. =) I have think it through already and not gonna waste anymore of my precious time doing stupid things. Yeah well done roslyn, your great man! Ha. I ain't into relationships any further, and don't wish to get involve in the near future. The reason why? Studies matters more than anything else. =)

I am very happy on the day where all hpt members went for the treasure hunt thingy at sentosa. That was the day when all conflicts have been solved and the activities have once again bond each and everyone of us together yet again. That's superb and I really love it! Love it love it love! Ha no more
hate it hate it hate it. Lolxz. Even though I've NOT done much of my assignments during these holidays but I've learnt something more than that. Much more practical and useful and becoming a better roslyn. =)

It feels great to be loved and to love. Ha you guys get me? Lolxz, I've come to the realization of the importance of my guardian and the imagination full of horrors if she wasn't by my side. So I'll love her even more. Ha. Sufyan, your sista me, is really...Marvelous! Ha you gota admit to that okay! Don't deny it. Heez.

Okay everyone, I'm in high spirit! I hope you guys do too. Ha c'mon everyone, by the count of 3, all MUST flash the biggest and the sweetest and the most charming SMILE of YOURS!!!
1.................................................
2.................................................
3!!

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Ha SMILE SMILE SMILE SMILE SMILE SMILE SMILE SMILE SMILE SMILE!!! You guys just gota smile! =) Who ask you to be reading MY blog? Ha man...I'm sure most of ya have not seen the real side of me. So this is the best chance for you to. Ha the fact that I lurve to smile is Me! Just M.E. Ha oh man....I just can't stop smiling. Ha God, help me. To smile even MORE! So that I can brighten up people's life and yeah reach out the the lost, the poor, the forgotten and the sick. The many many out there! Yeah haha heyz for those out there feeling kinda down or something now, just put everything aside and sit back and relax for a while. Life is short and you could have accomplish many other things other than dwelling over it again and again. It's really stupid you know? So don't. Stand up and be yourself again. That's what really matters!

Take me for example. I used to be such a innocent and pretty young girl. {hey I'm feeling good about myself} But obstacles blocked my way and changed me to become a stronger person with higher maturity level. So don't ever give up on yourself. Start believing and miracles will happen. It just will. You just gotta believe in it. I know it's not easy but why not give it a try? Instead of wasting your time here lazing around aimlessly, why not give yourself a chance to change the world? And to make a big and deep impact on someone else? Don't ever look down on yourself, everyone is made up VERY differently, focus more on your strengths and discover what you could do with it. Seriously, trust me, it WORKS!!
It doesn't matter how old are you now or whatever your family background is. It's who you are that Really Matters!! I repeat, It's Who You Are That Really Matters! Ha just think about it.

We all born with a purpose, so while we are still young, why not make full use of this chance here and fulfill that purpose in life? You people can do it. I mean academic results ain't everything you know? Because for many out there, you all should know there are two sides of our brain. The left and the right. Some people are born left-handers, which means they are using the right brain and the most common ones, right handers which means they are using the left brain. And the what we so call geniuses, aren't exactly so. It's just because they have make full use of both sides of the brains. Now you get the whole idea of it? So make your way now to the nearest bookstore or library or best still and convenient, surf the net, on how can you further improve your studying skills and become a more competent person. =)

Okay! Time for a rest for your eyes. =) Heeez. Continue smiling. When you smile at others, there's a big tendency that others will smile back at you. If you don't believe me. Give it a try the very next time your out somewhere. See ya guys and have a blessed weekend! =)

2004-03-14T17:54:00.000+08:00

Craig David- you don't miss your water

Like the song you are hearing now? I've heard radio playing this song everyday but have no idea who's the artist until this morning when Regan sent it to me. A slow rhythmic but melancholy song. Got me addicted like duh. Somehow this had once again became my very favorite song. It reminded me of many things. Based on my own superb memory if I could recall, I'm listening this for the few hundredth times.

Does this song sounded kinda sad or depressing? I supposed so, and maybe that might be the reason why it could have such powerful influence on me. Frankly speaking, I could no longer regain back my consciousness, my pride and confidence. Everything to me now is very unpredictable including my mood. Sometimes I flinched from doing a particular task which used to be my favorite past time without any reasons in particular. I'm really scared that one day I would go insane.

Life, is so hard to explain, so hard to say and it could really make a person worn out entirely. Actually had I known all these would happen right from the start, I won't have even make the first move. But I guess it's all predestined. I am truly sorry to have
sounded so down here, I didn't mean to but...well you guys should know me well enough by now.

Where has my motivations go to? Where is my cheerfulness? Where is my sound piece of advises? Please come back, don't leave me alone. Don't drift away, no, no, not so far apart from me. I felt the horror and loneliness swept over me from time to time. This time round, was the biggest shock I received in my life so far. I am really stressed out.

Mommy, where were you when I needed you the most? You couldn't be there and you weren't even there. Since young till now, the number of times you have visited me have barely crossed to a minimum extend of ten times. 14 years have passed, and now I've grown, from adolescence to a teen. Are you still my mother? Do you still consider me as your daughter? There was no way of finding out the truth unless you were back here. It's okay I tell myself when I have lost my dad because I know I still have you mom, right beside me. But now even you are gone too, where else can I find a replacement for the both of you? I don't blame the both of you for not being by my side when I was a baby because I know the both of you have your reasons for doing so. But what upsets me most is that I didn't fulfill my part as a daughter, to repay back for what you all have done. I was such a let down. I am really sorry. Please forgive me. Now that you are up in heaven, bless me, help me to overcome all the fears within me. I love you dad and mom.

Being the one and only in my family, some may considered me as lucky while others might think it's a bit of painful experience without any siblings. Well, whereas for me, I don't know. I feel God is testing me now, to see how much can I withstand and handle all these problems. Luckily I have a week of holidays to think things through before school reopens, or else I can really breakdown.

I have seen many of my girl-friends cling onto boyfriends when their family separated. Because it's something up there for them to lean on at times like this. But I'm not gonna do the same. It's bad to toy with other's feelings and played with them, just because they are treating them as a sub over their parents. This would only cause one more party to get hurt. So why risk hurting them? I'm tired of relationships. I've gotten hurt way too many times and I don't intend to go for another one in the near future. Simply because I don't wish to get hurt once more. The feelings are really painful and it's takes a long time for me to recover. So only studies will be on my mind right now. I got a bad encounter last year which resulted me into normal academic. Tears welled up in my eyes whenever I think about it now and then, so much time have been wasted and I have missed out way too many opportunities. So therefore I made a vow, this year would be the year to recover what I've lost last year and to make a commitment in my studies and to realize my dreams.

Hey people out there reading this blog right now, what I'm saying now is just purely what I'm thinking now. There's no guarantee this would last for some time but I'm pretty sure of myself that very soon, the mischievous and cheeky roslyn would make a turn back. Yes she will! You guys got to believe in her. Right now is just a moment of sadness crowded around her for the time being. Everything will soon be over. So don't worry that I will do anything silly or whatsoever. I still have a lot undone. I have yet to achieve my goals and have yet to influence the whole nation. I won't leave you guys just like that without a word. I am a person of my word so meantime, just let me be. Don't get over sensitive about it. I am a human, and I need some space.

Pardon me for making the quiet exit from my computer.

2004-03-13T08:02:00.000+08:00

Hate it hate it hate it but have to love it love it love it.

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy people! Wooooo cool, I'm back at last. Really missed my bed. Well basically my life's been a bit down and okay laah I admit, I'm toooooooo lazy to blog. Ha. No wait a minute, I ain't lazy just haven't got the right mood to do so.

So right, as for those who have yet to know, we held our school's jogathon yesterday at sentosa. It was nothing but booooooooooo-ring. No one is looking forward to this day from what I see and everyone is just too slack to be bothered. I'm no particular, feeling out of emotions. I hate it hate it hate it but I have to love it love it love it. Contradicting huh? Yeah and that's HPT How could you possibly survive with all those stupid-not-down-to-earth gossips emanating from them. They make you feel as though you are a total worthless person and just how much rumours can spoil one's reputation. YES I was backstabbed by them!

A day before jogathon some of the hpt members have decided to stay overnight at sentosa so as to make travelling much more easier. [ a bad choice indeed ] Because of the lowly built tent located near the ant's comb which invited lots and lots of ant to our tent. As a result most of us have to bear with the mosquito's bite and the sucking up of blood at the monorail station. The bench is so cold and hard and in-between there are spaces which kind of make your back ache like hell, therefore we couldn't get to sleep.

We gathered together as a whole and went to this deserted place just behind the monorail station and sat down in a mini-circle and begun our "ghost stories telling." It was nothing scary though, but I'm rather thrilled by what Wei quan [ our mentor ] had said about some of the World War 2 places where prisoners were kept. But sadly enough to say, out of the many girls, I'm the only one who dare to explore and hunt down those places simply because my curiosity aroused me.

No sonner after that, everyone was feeling too tired to carry on anymore, so we made our way back to the monorail station and poom, ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz. Others fell asleep in no time and not wanting to awake them all up, I walked silently down to the beach once again. This time, alone. Sitting on the beach listening to the sea waves clinging onto the shore was beautiful. Really beautiful. That was a moment which I won't forget. but at the same time, I was reminded of many thoughts, sufficient to pull me through till morning arrives. I was deeply driven to a stage where my mentality isn't as strong as my physical power. I feel that it was a mistake being in hpt right from the beginning. But then again, I remembered what Sir Shannon told us during the debrief session.

He said hpt is all about sharing and caring. He told us most of his experiences and I stunned looking him with astonishing and amazing expressions. Wow, incredible. I won't type out his past here without his permission but all I can say is it takes time for a person to change. I am really impressed with what Sir Shannon has said. Because of his past, he decided to change for the better. He don't wish to be selfish anymore, thus he set up hpt. It's all his effort being put in and I, it was marvelous. I have seen many just like him but no one in this case. This has make me wanna stay more committed and devoted to hpt.

For many who do not quite know me yet and can't wait for me to get out of hpt, let me tell you this. My greatest dream on earth even when I'm not alive anymore, is to make a difference in people's life through encouragements and endless motivations. I won't give up just like that even with all those bad-mouthings going on. For I stood firmly on the ground believing in Jesus. My conscience is clear and therefore I don't have to feel guity or whatsoever feelings. I'm a upright person, you guys can choose not to believe in it but that is just me. AND ME ONLY! Nothing can stop me from reaching out, nothing, absolutely nothing. And as I said before, those who follow what others are saying have NO MIND OF THEIR OWN! And therefore, they will have NO CONTRIBUTIONS TO THIS SOCIETY!

So members of hpt, I don't give a damn to what you guys think of me because I don't have to. I'm not obliged to your say or anything. I am just me and that's it. Enough is enough. As long as I'm still alive, I will go all out to achieve what I want in hpt regardless of the comments given.

Sigh, I was carried away again. Okay let's continue. After some time when I've gotten sick of sitting there alone, I went back and this time round, all the guys have returned from their soccer playing versus Anderson Secondary. So Chuanying, Baboon and a few whom I didn't quite remember were there. I have no idea why Baboon is the only who has noticed I'm not being myself that night. But even so, I remained silent. Chuanying somehow may have noticed it too, but I'm not too sure. Seriously, I find most of the girls my level didn't quite got the maturity as I had. I mean all they do is to whine and whine non-stop when something happens and complaining like a baby without making any attemp to try and behaving childishly. Thus, they are definitely not the ones I will lean on at times like this because I knew for sure I won't have anything to gain. So why waste the time?

I have enough talking about hpt and I don't wish to go on any further. For one thing I must thank God, for giving me such a good brother and few true friends. Hmmmm, do you all know who I'm refering to? It's Sufyan, my dearest brother. Haiyz, that make me more guilty as I feel he has done so much for me and did his part as a brother, whereas I didn't really fulfil my role as a sister. But well I'm very grateful to him. Without him I seriously won't know what to do. Sometimes he may be a little too harsh on me but it's alright I guess. No harm anyway. Add spice to our "sibling-hood."

Hmmm, okay people. Time for a rest for your eyes. That's about all I have to and can say now. Let me end it with a prayer.

Dear Lord, as I come before you, I want to give thanks to you for the wonderful and dull times we had. Thank you for giving me such a good brother and all the friends. And thank you for letting me go through this period of tough time right now as I know I will grow stronger after it. Yes Lord, you are the great almighty one, I love you Lord. May you continue to bless us in everything that we do and help me to reach out for the lost, the poor, the unfortunate and the forgotten. Help me and give me the strength to make this world a better place for everyone to live in. Give me the power and show me the path in guidance. I am a sinner, have mercy on me. I ask for your forgiveness for all the sins I have done and cleanse me throughly. In the name of Jesus I prayed all these, Amen.

2004-03-09T21:45:00.000+08:00

My emotions poured right out.

So how was yesterday's story? All right people, it's gonna be a self-indulgence blog today so feel free to close your browser if you think it's gonna be a waste of your time reading.

Roslyn roslyn, I have been giving myself lotsa unsolved mysteries, and therefore still searching for a solution. The answer is obvious when I'm brain-storming but otherwise when questioning my heart. How many out there know what I'm saying? I guess only few out of a majority got it. Perhaps it's due to the weather nowadays that the atmosphere is really bad in school. Especially with the sec4's. C'mon laah roslyn, stop blaming the weather, face reality, things aren't gonna work out anyway despite all the efforts you put in. People can really change to a state where I don't seem to know them anymore. Once best buddies just ended overnight. That is also the reason why I'm convinced with “nothing last forever.”

My fears soared as I flipped through the calendar page by page. There isn't really much time left and if things continued...sorry, I do not know how to end the sentence. Just as I was furiously busy doing my assignments, and mindlessly searching for an answer, 2003 flashed across my mind with lightning speed. I know there's no point saying this but that's what I felt even till now. Living in a world that often seems brutal and harsh have indeed made me both a stronger and a weaker person. I know it's a bit of a contradicting here but the world has showed me it's “true-colours.” When a person has reached his climate of life, that's where “fame”comes in but in other case when failures occurred, he's left all alone to face it.

Being in 3 compassion 1 has resulted me in losing my spirit of fighting. I really detest that class a lot and with all those punishments going on and so fourth, I don't see what's the point of staying in school when you ain't interested in learning. People in 3 compassion 1, listen up, I don't care whatever the situation is, I'm in school for a purpose, and that's to learn and gained wisdom. During physics lessons when Mr Sing asked how many are there willing to learn and I was the only one raising up my hand. What is this man? It's fine with me if you guys don't wanna pay attention but PLEASE spare a thought for others. There are people desperately wanting to learn alright. Bear this in mind for those who don't heed my advise right now, one day the society will have it's effects so hard on you that you will be SO ASHAME of yourself! Provoking as I may sound, but I'm just stating the fact. GET OUT OF THE CLASS IF YOU ALL DON'T WISH TO LEARN!!!

There's a limit to my patience and I would not tolerate any further for all these nuisances. It's absolutely rubbish. GOOD FOR NOTHINGs. I don't feel there's a need to apologise for what I have just said so well if you can't stand it, mend your ways then, I really had enough. Maybe many might not know, I have a real nasty temper. But through God's word that I tried even harder to forgive and forget. You know what people, because of all those bogited and ill-mannered hypocrities, I hardly get a chance to learn anything fulfilling during lessons. Whenever I see my class punished, a sense of disgrace croweded around me and I'm asking myself what am I doing there when I could have been in the first class? Tears of regretfulness rolled down my cheeks, I wished I could have the time turned and back to 2003 again but it's impossible. The world keeps moving on and people keeps changing. Stuffs like that. I wanted so much to tell you guys how I'm feeling each time I see my formal classmates but something was holding me back.

Roslyn, you have got to wake up and be yourself again! An inner voice spoke to me. I know what I'm doing and am excelling in it but it's disheartening to witness such cases happening in my class. Other than this, I have no mood for anything else. Just recently only, few of my “long-lost” friends once again contacted me. Good news then. But again it's bad news because I'm reminded of 2 lost friends as well. They are really great to be with, I mean it's better to have a friend rather than an enemy right? And moreover not that you guys don't know how much my friends mean to me.

To my friends, you can still come to me whenever you feel like having someone there for you. I am still the same roslyn who would listen without a word of complain and help you in whatever ways possible within my means. This is the time where I could feel God presence, so strong that overwhelmed me. God is father, and I have lost my dad since young. Maybe that would be part of the reason why I chose to be a Christian. Today is a rare day for all of you reading this blog now as I have almost poured out all my emotions. Those deep within my heart and those which have been long-forgotten. But of course, that's not everything.

Frankly speaking, I think I really should stop blogging at night simply because my moods tend to swing to and fro at this hour. And it resulted in you all seeing the pathetic side of me. But well, it's okay, I would rather let you all see the worst side of me first rather than the better side of me. Okay I don't wish to continue any further so that's gonna be all for now. And take care all my friends, beloved teachers and tutor.

*There's gotta be more to life. =)

2004-03-08T21:50:00.000+08:00

Right, i'm back once again, to blogging! Phew, so how's everyone doing? Well, I am doing okay and still alive. [ duh, or else who's typing this out ] Ha, hmph hmph hmph hmph hmph... Sorry the things which I just thought of slip my mind. =/ Oh well the song you are listening now describes me now! Lol, sigh, why not let me start off with a song first before I continue?

Here I am To worship- Hillsong

Here I am to worship
here I am to bow down
here I am to say that your my God

your altogether lovely
altogether worthy
altogether wonderful to me

End

I'll just stop here as I guess many out there knew this song very well. Correct, it's one of my fave christian song. Lately I've come to realise I'm particularly drawn to christian cds nowadays. I mean everywhere I go, the first thing on my mind is God, God, God. This is especially true after yesterday's preaching in church. Tell me where on Earth can you find someone who loves you abundantly and willing to lay his life for you? Someone who knows your soul your heart you everything. I mean it's nearly impossible right? I remembered Vincent's saying. “ Religion is still the best persuader after all.” No doubt, it's just a fact. Religion is something which you practise on it and obey the rules given. This morning Mrs Agyang talked about rules.I didn't really pay much attention to it so....ehh I can't say much.

Pastor Hao [ pardon me if i spelled it wrongly ] was talking about relationships yesterday. And this was what I've been thinking about for the past few weeks. I couldn't think of a better way to interpret what he had said yesterday as it must be done on the spot. Get me? It goes like this anyway, results have shown that having bgr relationship at our age doesn't last for a lifetime and it's just plainly a waste of time to many. I mean, it won't last. Seriously, because people changed and friends come and go...bah. You would never know when someone else better is coming to your life that kind of thing. I hope you guys know what I'm talking about. So it's definitely not a “sure” thing and addition it's ephemeral.

A relationship is like a business, it's either getting better or it's getting worse = there's no standing still. And if things aren't improving, then we are living without learning. It may sound just that little sophisticated, but it isn't that sophisticated after all. Personally for me, I have to admit that even though I've been through certain relationships and have gained many experiences, but I really can't give you all a fool-proff advise. I mean I'm pretty at a lost too when it comes to handling MY own relationship. I have been a little apathetic since the last weekend. I was filled with a vague apprehansion of my future. I ain't feeling any better than last week. I won't review that much about my personal life here but I can share with you guys what's on my mind.

Somehow or rather, i hate songs what are melancholy. It reminded me of many uncountables flashbacks. But than again, it always never fail to hook me up. I would replay over and over again. And to console myself, I believe all things which have took place must have a role to play in my life. Actually last year of today, it's the date where I have decided to go into a relationship. But it all ended up with a jerk. A guy whom don't deserve my respect and is worthless. So there's no point mentioning him, but I just got carried away.

Sigh, well apologies people, when I'm distraught or whatsoever, my sense of humour dissapeared. Perhaps, tomorrow will be a better day for all of us. Guess I'd better not continue, or else you guys would really detest my blog for all it does it just to whine and whine non-stop. Let me once again tell you guys a story. Just read along and remember I always have my reason of asking you all do something.

Rocks to Inspire

A high school science teacher wanted to demonstrate a concept to his student. He takes a large mouth jar and places several large rocks in it. He then asks the class, “Is it full?” Unanimously, the class replies, “Yes!”

The teacher then takes a bucket of gravel and pours it into the jar. The small rocks settle into the spaces between the big rocks. He then asks the class, “Is it full?” This time there are some students holding back but most reply, “Yes!”

The teacher then produces a large can of sand and proceeds to pour it into the jar. The sand fills up the spaces between the gravel. For the third time, the teacher asks, “Is it full?” Now most students are wary of answering but again many reply, “Yes!”

Then the teacher brings out a pitcher of water and pours it into the jar. The water saturates the sand. At this point the teacher asks the class, “What is the point of this demostration?”

One bright young student raised his hand and then responds, “No matter how full one's schedule is in life, he can always squeeze in more things!”

“No,” replies the teacher, “the point is that unless you first place the big rocks in the jar, you are never going to get them in. The big rocks are the important things in your life – your family, your friends, your personal growth. If you fill your life with small things – as demostrated by the gravel, the sand and the water – you will never have the time for the important things.

Hmm...let's just think about it, the moral of the story is to know your piorities right and well. I got a chain with a cross pendant on it. It's really beautiful. I mean not just the appearance, but the inner side as well. It means a lot. I am really devoted to my christian life and I wanted to reach out for many non-christians out there. I mean you have to experience it before you can know it. You have to go through it before commenting and deciding. You can't just hear from what your friends said and so on. No, that isn't the way, only when you have experienced will you understand what I'm saying here. I really want to invite you guys to my church and let's all experience the life together. Life is short. There's only a certain time we all are going to live so why not make the best out of it. I really wish that you people out there would just come to church once, and your life will be changed. Seriously, I learnt all these through the preachings that I got from church. God is eternal. Everlasting love. It's something so precious and priceless. I really cherish it. I am treasuring it. So guys, don't dissapoint me alright? Please, just make your way to church today and begin your first wonderful journey with God. Amen.

2004-03-04T21:15:00.000+08:00

Roslyn- my life.

Guess yesterday's article must have kinda jumped you guys up but it's not over yet. I ain't feeling any better from yesterday maybe except for Sufyan's [ my dearest brother ] unrequited love towards me. I really have no idea how to lessen my burdens a little and not being like a emotional freak. I seemed to have lost the faculty of rational thoughts, a casualty of failing health and living in a world that often seems brutal and indifferent. The transition from adolescence to adulthood and the process of growing up must really have its effects so hard that caused me to worn out sub-consciously.

I couldn't envisage a life without my guardian. Everything is ephemeral and natural.Yes no doubt I do resent her in such a bad manner but after all she's the one who raised me up. Without her I won't be who I am now. Part of me do feel very sorry and hurtful to have scorned her that way yesterday but part of me doesn't when I thought of those many bad flashbacks. Especially the past. In my opinion, I personally feel it's okay to think this way as it's by human-nature to be self-centered. Actually it would be good if we could just put aside all our emotions and rational thinkings for just that moment. Feelings can result in many tragedies unknowingly. So an advice to all out there, don't be too emotional like me. It really isn't a good thing, in fact it will only make you as frail as a cobweb. But that's just me, so I don't feel a need to change. Simply because I am just who I am and that's what make me different from the rest because I have a Mind Of My Own. =)

Alright now, let's just forget about all the happenings first and concentrate on what I have to say for today. I am going to talk about our strengths and weaknesses and what makes us unique. Below is a story adapted from “Stories for the extreme teen's heart” Please make an effort and read it. It's truly inspiring.

Along the Path

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, an while the other pot was perfect and always delievered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years, this went on daily, with the bearer delievering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments...perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor, cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream, “I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.”

“Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed off?”

“I have been able, for the past two years, to deliever only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value of your effort,” the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old, cracked pot and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old, cracked pot took noticed of the sun warming the beautiful wildflowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, the pot apologied to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there are flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walked back from the stream, you 've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have had this beauty to grace his house.”

Each of us has our own unique flaws. But if we allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace His Father's table. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste. Don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and you too can be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weaknesses we find our strength. =)

A simple but meaningful story. Hope you guys enjoy it and have learnt something out of it.

2004-03-03T22:02:00.000+08:00

Bitch!

Perhaps this piece of article here might change your impression about me but I'll still have it post out. I'm really tired about all these happenings. Even though life does provide many opportunities for me to make it as fulfilling as possible but there's always a limit for everything. I have never liked my guardian at all since young. Many times when I was beaten up I tried to convince myself saying at least she has gone through all the effort in raising me up. I also tolerated her with vulgarities coming out from her mouth. I am a human being as well and she ought to first respect me if she wants me to treat her likewise. She's being really unreasonable at times not that I'm biased.

To tell you guys the truth the other time when I had sprained my ankle wasn't because I rushed and fell down the stairs, it was because her whipping which caused me to twist it. I didn't want to spell the fact simply because I don't want things to get out of hand so therefore I lied. Apologies to all my friends out there, I didn't fulfil my promise. Crying was like a daily routine for me. I may be wearing a smile on the outside but deep down inside, I was hurt. I want a daddy. I want my mommy. I don't want my guardian. Whenever I think of my dad, tears would sprang down my cheeks uncontrollably and when I see those bruises I had on me, I felt as weak just like a branch which would snap at any point of time. I am really painful. I don't know how many would weep bitterly or shed a tear if something were to happen to me. I just don't know. Perhaps not one of them would.

I dream of being a Psychologist. But looks like I'm drifting further apart each time I'm whacked by her. Living under the roof with her can be a joyous thing or a heartache. I know she's stress but so am I. I tried my very best and got her the results which she has always wanted but now she's asking for more. Higher than what I can achieve but no doubt I'm still hanging on. She's so used to threatening me that I'm SO used to it that it has become a habit or a pleasure for her in doing so. She's always thinking that I'm “using” her. Get what i mean? “Used”

Which in actual fact I'm not! I won't say what has happened earlier on which resulted me saying all these but all I know is that maybe I would be very sad one day if she's no longer around or maybe I won't even shed a tear for her. Sympathy tears yes but not deep down from the bottom of my heart. I feel it's pointless for me to remain like this. Okay people, I'm evil. Yes I am but you guys have never experienced the kind of life I had since young so you guys won't be able to judge. I have my own conscience and I won't just anyhow blurt out one's fault unless it's really worth mentioning. Simply because I could take it no longer. My right leg got hit by a chair and it's so darn painful now. I don't think she would give a damn about it anyway.

So people, if tommorow you're still seeing the usual roslyn who never fails to give you a smile, then perhaps it's not the real roslyn, it's the roslyn who has worn out and tired both mentally and emotionally.

2004-03-02T21:11:00.000+08:00

Live your life today as though it's the last day.

Good evening everyone! (",) Haha, hmm looks like I should have more of this greetings. So how's everyone feeling today? I'm feeling good, not too bad though. Just came back from tuition and real poooooooooooop. My work piled up like a mountain, lying on my desk left untouched for several days already. After receiving most of my papers, I calculated the marks and there's still a long way ahead to my target. I still think that I could have done better. Hmmm...

I wonder how many know that I have not been paying much attention to my Mother Tongue language ever since last year? Due to my neglecting as a result my chinese dropped tremendously. From the usual 80+ grades to the just-pass 50 grade. What is this man. The paper was like darn easy and I would have actually flunk it if not for the sympathy 2 marks. But recalled what I did the day before the Chinese test, I had all the time to study but I chose not to simply because I was too exhausted. Sigh, hey no worries man, I will continue to try even harder for it! =)

My day was good. Finally, a piece of compliment came out from her mouth. It was, no not my guardian but my tutor. She's always trying her best effort to push me to the limits and I'm really grateful for all that she's done. She was quite pleased with all my results and say I can do even better if I persevere. Let me share with you guys something, on my way back from tuition, my heart was filled with excitement and thrilled about just how much can we contribute to the society. The fragrance from the dipped dew of flowers diffused the air and a sense of commitment was felt. I felt very contented with the life I'm having, okay there may be a lot of obstacles along my way and my journey was rough and tough, but all that did not stop me from being who I really wanna. And I feel that is a blessing.

Ha, I'm speaking really great and meaningful words now. I wanna tell people from all over the world to live life today as though it's your last day. Make it as fruitful as you can and live it to the fullest. Your little act of contribution matters a lot in this whole wide world. My greatest dream is to make this world a better place for everyone. I know that's not gonna be easy but I'm willing to take up this challenge and work on it. I Believe, through all people, with just that little effort to help the less fortunate, you could change the nation. I don't like to deceive myself, I'm sure most of you didn't quite like it too. But when believing, it's something up there hanging onto your faith and testing your courage and determination, miracles will eventually happen if people are committedd.

No matter how least the chances are, I still wanna give it a shot. Because only through this would you change your mind-set. Nothing in your life is by coincidence. The people you met, the situation that you lived in, they are all made to help you along. I'm very proud of these sentences actually as I find it exceptionally true and it was told to me by a great friend of mine, Aaron.

So guys, start now, start believing and dare to dream. Only with dreams will you be able to achieve even more in life. Life is really short so cherish it and make it a worthy one!

If you see anyone without a smile today, give them one. =)

Monday, 1 March 2004

C'mon everyone! You can do it!

I am only one
But still i am one
I cannot do everything
But still i can do something
and because i cannot do everything
i will not refuse to do the something that i can do-Adapted from "Stories For The Extreme Teen's Heart."

It was one of those monday blues morning where the atmosphere seemed shakened down a little by the pressure faced around us. Common test has finally come to an end after all hard work has been done. Mojority of us received back some of our papers which we have sat for it last week. Among them were some super inquisitive people going round bragging their scores. My heart was filled with faith upon receiving the history paper. Mrs Eileen Yeo had made my heart dropped a beat each time she called out the names of those who have done badly. Deep down inside I was praying to God I would not be the next "victim."
But who would have expected me to score fairly well for it? Before sitting for the history paper, I had make sure that not a single detail was left out and each points were evaluated precisely. Along the way to my church services, [1 hour ] I spent my time revising through the notes given and memorised them by heart. I was very confident that I'll make it. But reality has proven me wrong. My aim was to get a A1 at least and I have actually gotten a A2 for it. You people might think I'm crazy, not satisfied with this kind of results. But seriously I can tell you all in-order for me to get back to the express stream, I have to score all A1s including english. So I was pretty sore this morning actually.

I thought things would have changed for the better after recess but no. You are wrong roslyn. Principles Of Accounts. The paper which I'm fairly confident in it but still manage to get a pass. I got an B3 for it. Sigh, I wanna A!! Not B!! Duh, needtheless to say, I'm fully responsible for it and this has got my heart sank down even deeper. I'm kind of disheartened and don't feel like going on any further. My papers were thrown onto the ground everywhere when I asked for "her" signature. It's my papers! With all the efforts put it!

My day wasn't at all pleasant and there was hardly a smile worn on my face. All of a sudden a thought flashed across my mind telling me that I needed to brighten up other's life with a simple but sweet smile. =) So what if I have not done well for my common test. I have tried my best and that's it. I'm not gonna blame anyone or anything. I just have myself to answer because it's my life. I'm living my life and not others. Yeah good roslyn. Keep it up. That's the way to goooooooo man! ;o) So I have decided to flash my sweetest smile instead. Haha. Somehow or rather, I really miss the fun side of me and would not allow it to go to waste since it's a gift sent to me from God.

I'm serious about God. I was thinking about how can I get to know him better. I felt that just by going church and reading the Bible isn't enough. I felt I could do more. And yes, I want to reach out for the lost, the unfortunate and the poor. I want to Reach Out To THEM!! =) I want to fulfil my purpose in life because I have found it. I have the motivational spirit to cheer people up and encourage them to move on further with determination and faith. That's what they needed. So people out there, I need your help. I need you guys to work hand-in-hand with me so as to assist the needys out there. C'mon, from today onwards, talk to your friends, make more new friends, get to know them and find out what you could do to make their day. You small act of kindness means a lot to the less fortunate ones out there. So PLEASE I strongly urge you all to stop for a while and care for the forgotten, care for the sick, care for the lost. Help them to find the light and get them out of darkness. YES! That's My Dream! So Please people, I know you guys can do it. You guys definitely can! You all have the power and authority to do it and you all have a purpose in life. We are all born with a purpose so don't hestitate anymore. Stand up and Speak up. You will be heard. God knows every single thing about you. Amen.

Thank you very much for having spent your time reading my blog once again, I really appreaciates it! =) Remember, everyone has the potential to influence the nation!

Smiles!

roslyn`

Sunday, 29 February 2004

Movie: "The Passion Of The Christ"

Hope itself is like a star- not to be seen
in the sunshine of prosperity
and only to be discovered
in the night of adversity.

Sounded true huh? It's only during your most difficult times would you think about hope. And that is also the only time when you find hope beautiful. In our everyday lifes, just how many would actually stop for a while and admire the greenary around us and the wonderful nature? Most of us seemed to take it for granted. If Singaporeans appreciate the surroundings than there should be no litters thrown at all. Blah blah blah, eh no, this isn't my main topic for today, just got divert away.

Anyway, I have just reached home from church and have gained a valuable lesson. You guys shall be the judge. Few weeks back, Pastor Hao [ from my church, duh ] was preaching on Faith and what causes insecurities, and how to know our identity and destiny. But today he talks about authority. All these factors make up Faith. Hmm, some of you might wonder what has all these got to do with Faith so now it's my job to fill you in about it. I remembered writing an article on identity and destiny before but it was lost, eh no sweat. It's okay, I'm still here and can still explain in addition FREE OF CHARGE! (FOC) they call it.

Often enough, friends come and go. Nothing last forever but in between there are some direct and indirect ones. Those who are intimidated by others are the indirect ones. They blindly obey the rules given and are followers with no mind of their own. All they do are to copy what others have said. These kind of people will have no contributions to the society. No, don't get me wrong I'm not saying they are worthless but they are unlikely to be successful in the near future if they carry on living life this way. So that's indirect people. Now, direct people are the ones who are bold enough to speak up and to be heard. They are not afraid of any effects it will have on others but they just want their message to get across. But too much of a directness is equally bad. Are you guys with me?

John 13:3

Jesus knew that the Father (authority) had given all things into His hands and that He had come (identity) from God and was going (destiny) to God.

Authority is the ability to command obedience or attention from other people. You guys have authority. Everyone has it. C'mon, stop being a coward and agrees blindly to what others say. Stand up and speak up, others would want to hear from you. And that is what makes you outstanding because you have a Mind Of Your Own. =) Roslyn, [ yeah me ] personally adores people who are bold enough to have their say. Got that hint?

Oh well anyway people, have you heard about this movie called The Passion Of The Christ? It talks about how Jesus died on the cross for us and how He spent the last few hours on the cross. It's tremendously powerful and melancholy. Ever since after America has screened the movie to the public, millions of christians sobbed silently when the movie has ended. It has touched millions and billions of lives. ALL of my church friends can't wait to catch that movie but sadly to say it's nc-16. But hey no worries, right now my church [Heart Of God] and City Harvest Pastors are trying their very best effort to request Golden Village to have it specially screened for us only. And we are free to invite all our friends and family to the show. So it is therefore my honour to invite you guys out there!!! =D Seriously, I really can't wait man and those keen on watching please contact me at either email or phone. I really HOPE you guys can make it and it's also R(A). *wink
Guys out there, ( i mean males ) PLEASE show your support by coming alright? It's a good opportunity for each and everyone of you here!! I would not stop campaigning on this until you all have watched it. ;o) So be prepared to be nagged by me. Heh.

Oh gosh, I suddenly remembered I have yet to start with my chinese revision for tommorow's paper. =/ May peace be remain in your hearts and SmiLe =) All the best for the sec4s. You will make it through, fear not. Just believe in yourself and miracles will happen. It WILL!

Recommanded Hearbytes

Superman - Lazlo Bane
Stop crying your heart out - Oasis
Someone to love - Babyface and Jon B
From this moment on - Shania Twain and bsb

roslyn`

2004-02-28T20:14:00.000+08:00

SULK SULK SULK!

Okay get ready guys, be prepared to hear me shout and rant on my woes here! You guys don't usually hear such remarks from me so just a heed of warnings for those out there. Sigh, well I don't intend to rave on the happenings today but maybe just a little.

I was actually trying to distract myself from thoughts by playing mischievously with my new-born babies. [ Hey no, I'm no mummy of them, they are but just my niece and nephew in particular. ] Looking at the playful and innocent kid which is my nephew, Clarence. Reminded me of those wonderful memories I had before my dad passed away. I think the most fortunate thing which could have happened to anybody on earth is to have a complete family. I won't deliberately convinced myself that I'm thoroughly happy with my childhood. In fact I really adore those with a dad out there. I mean having a Daddy definitely beats than having none and it's really thrilling to be able to check out da technology and computer stuffs which not many mommy[s] are into.

As I have got no much to do, and it's been a while since I last visited my friend's blog, so I make my way there. Entries after entries, most talked about the amount of pressure faced during exams and how did the friendships of many drift further apart. I mean such things are very natural. It happens all the time. You just gotta know how to handle with it. Would you rather befriend a person who agrees to your decisions all the time or a person who speaks his mind freely? The answer is obviously, the second one. Who knows, perhaps some out there prefer option number one.

Is it wrong to keep asking your friend about someone who concerns you greatly? That's just plainly infatuation and curious. Moreover, that person has a choice on whether he wants to update you about it so no one should really push the blame to each sides. As I said before, my friends are equally important to me and my limbs so it's therefore my pleasure to be able to reach out for them. And it's common to help one another get hold of the numbers of their special someone. C'mon people, don't you dare deny, I know there are lots down there!

I got a very blunt remark for trying my upmost effort to get the number for a friend, and the person who gave it happened to be one of my dearest brother. I would not mention the name to protect the identity of that person. It got me into depressing mood. All his words seemed so incredibly harsh and as though I'm the one at fault. I mean, it won't be nice to vent your anger in the presence of someone close. Someone who seemed to understand you very well but actually it's the other way round. Human-beings are all self-centered by nature and the only thing which would make them go berserk is themselves! I can be there to listen when you people are down, I can come up with all kinds of lame jokes and curved your lips grinning from ears to ears in no time. I can even forsake all my spare time and spent it with you guys doing absolutely nothing promising. When there's no one willing to move on, I 'm there to serve as a motivator and keep you all going with all those encouragements and advises. I can! And I'm willing to do so simply because I love all my friends too much to be true. They are the ones who helped me through all sorts of tough times and expect nothing in return. What more can I asked for actually? Which is also why I would bother to care for them. Each and everyone! I don't need favors to be returned, I don't need gratefulness. I don't need anything but just you guys.

It's okay actually, I've already forgiven you brother. God taught us to forgive and forget. I don't bear grudges. I am mending my ways and changing for the better. People out there, don't think I am faking myself to be "extra nice" while typing out this blog. I am just who I am! Seriously, I don't like to brag 'cos I feel every individual is made up very differently and we each have our own strengths and weaknesses. Just focus more on your strengths but never neglect your weaknesses.

Today I went over to Vanessa's house and we were talking about joining the end of year TalentQuek this year by forming a dual. Hmm, I'm more thrilled to playing instruments [ not Chinese orchestra ] than singing. And moreover Vanessa's taste is mainly oldies which have very high and low pitch which doesn't seem suitable for me. =X I will have my fingers-crossed about that. Whilst I'm more into pop and punk rock that kinda music. So nahz, we shall see about it. Oh yeah, I have a very interesting theory for you all out there.

Do you believe that rock music have the ability to make an egg cooked?!

Wahahaha. It's true you know? If you don't believe me, next time when you go for a rock concert, bring along a few uncook eggs and placed it on the stage and when the performance's over, hard-boiled eggs are there waiting for you. =/ Interesting huh? Haha

Gotta catch up with my Chinese studying latta as I was awakened with the amount of guilt I had in me for slacking so long. There's a show latter on Channel U " All IN " It's a Korean romance story. Got me hooked up like duh. Lol, believe most of ya all are tired from reading so don't worry, I'll give you guys a break in exchange for a kit-kat. =)

Peace with all! SmiLe=) * to forgive and forget
roslyn`
1 more minute to 10

2004-02-27T21:23:00.000+08:00

Firefly.

A long and distressing week has past. Common test is coming to an end. Hours were spent on revising my text and the papers were pretty easy though. Well, sorry for not updating my blog as exams were going on. Hey wait a minute, do I sound a bit depressing? Yes it is, sort of. I've lost my sense of humour after showing my maths paper to my guardian. It goes like this, I score 80 out of 100 for it and it was such an idiot proof paper. I wasn't really THAT satisfied about it actually and wasn't THAT eager to tell my guardian. There's nothing to be ashamed though. But I felt I could have done better. My tutor expected me to score full marks for it and yes I was very confident with the paper. The reason why am I sore now is because "she" [should know who am I referring to] just took a glance at the paper and leave it on the desk without a word of compliment or anything. You know people, I was expecting "something" to come out from her mouth and not nothing. I mean this would only add on to my discomfort. I really needed encouragements and support from her. I felt as though my efforts have gone in vain and nothing was accomplished. Even my dearest guardian
whom raised me for 11 years is resenting me now. I simply have absolute no idea how to react to it. At least to an extend seeing me striving really hard to achieve my goals, a word of concern or care would help me through this though times. Not necessarily word, gestures would do too. But no, that was just a dream.

Alright, lets just forget about that. I'm kind of sick about it though. Come to talk about the o-levels results today. Most of my friends were feeling rather distraught and thoughts were flowing through their mind. Some wore a sad face upon receiving it while others were grinning brightly not wanting to let go of their papers. These scenes reminded me of myself. About 4 months ago, it was the end of October. And there I was waiting impatiently for my own results and there was a hunch telling me that things were nasty. I wasn't quite mentally prepared for it and it was the biggest shock of my life. The moment I knew I had dropped to normal academic, my world smashed. The only thing which came into my mind was how am I going to answer to all my beloved friends, tutor, teachers and my guardian. I felt extremely helpless and tears sprang down my eyes uncontrollably. That was a time where I truly experienced how it was like to fall. Seriously, it wasn't something which I could handle on my own. Time flew and all the images I had on mind seemed as though yesterday.

I have come to realize that studies ain't everything though, but otherwise in Singapore. Your academic performance represents your "status" in this society. People with high grades tend to lift their heads higher than the rest and it makes them glamourous. Oh c'mon, kids out there, better knock some senses into your brain. If you think by carrying on living life the way you are now without making any attempt to try you will succeed, than I can MOST assured you that's NEVER gonna happen. Aren't you insane? By repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Think about it. Just think.

Oh hey yes, I do have something very interesting to share with you guys. As from those who know, our school volleyball have once again got into the finals.

So yesterday, hpt together with both sec1s and 2s went to the stadium hall to cheer for our school team. The match was very exciting even though I'm not into volleyball. [ seriously no, I hate volleyball to the extreme actually ] I can see "some" of the sec1s were very keen on learning the cheers and they presented themselves enthusiatically. Since they were keen on learning, I'm willing to teach as well. =) How would I dissapoint them right? Haha, so yeah, we had a great time. Right after that, while waiting for the prize presentations which is normally at the very last moment, Yishun-Town Secondary came playing for their semi-finals. So we thought, since there's not much we can do, instead of lazing around we might as well cheer for them. The atmosphere was brought up very quickly and very soon, the players were highly motivated and scoring well. This was the time which I felt the "bond" between each and everyone of us. Frankly speaking, when come to talk about hpt ever since I was selected, not a smile was worn on my face except for the cheering part. Simply because I love to cheer. So this was the time when a sense of belonging crowded around me. We are in one! That kinda cheered me up. I'm beginning to experience the "good" side of it. =D

Okay that's all for now, I needed to catch up with my relaxation mood. So yeah, cyauz guys and take care! Always remember, flunking your exams is NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! Believe in yourself just as I believe in you all, MIRACLES WILL HAPPEN! =) SmiLe!

Recommanded:

*Say it isn't so - Gareth Gates [ currently my fave ]
Who am I - Plus One
You - Plus One
A prayer for every year - Plus One

Peace with all!
RosLyn`
9:15pm

2004-02-22T01:46:00.000+08:00

Peaceful night

Common test week has arrived with all its stress. I had been late cramming for an exams. Now, as I slumped in my seat, I felt like a spring that had been wound too tight. I had two test back-to-back, and I was anxious to get through with them. At the same time I expected to be able to maintain my straight-A grade point average in-order to transfer back to express.

They were history and accounts in particular. I was given only a short-period of time revising as school was filled with co-curricuar activities. Browsing through all those texts have turn my mind into a snoozy mood. My head was swinging to and fro upon reading. I could only get a few facts memorized in my brain. Jotting them down on foolscap paper over and over again and those 7 factors in League Of Nations are driving me to insanity. It's only with perseverance and determination did I get it done eventually. By then I was already half-asleep trying to organize my thoughts a little and typing out this blog so that you guys can see it the very next day.

Disputes occurred between my church pals and I earlier on of the day when I could not make it to church. My aunt, a stewardess is having a flight tomorrow and her daughter who happened to be my cousin is having an exam on the following Monday, so being her Chinese tutor, I was to guide her along and clear her doubts. Well, it just happened that I've hpt this afternoon and I had to forsake my bible study. My church pals were pretty pissed at me about this even though I was "let scott free." And because of that hpt thingy, I had to postpone my cousin's tuition to a later time. So it all ended up that I've got NO free time for my revises.

shucks. I received a phone call from a friend asking me to explain in details of not being able to make it to church and we were both debating and arguing over the phone giving stupid comments and craps. Basically, it's just me. I mean it takes two hands to clap right? So that's it.

This coming common test, [ it has already arrived and started! ] kinda matters a lot for me in transferring back to the express stream. So therefore, I'm going all out for it no matter what. Actually, it's not SO stress laah, but it's just the pressure which I'm getting from all my relatives and tutor.

LOL, there's nothing much to learn from this article actually, it's all self-indulgence, and that's ME! =) I would like to emphasize that this blog contains only a mini part of my life cycle. So don't assume [ ass of u and me ] that this is my everything and don't pretend you know my personality and stuffs like that. What I suggest is you should just come up right up to me and make your stand.

Ha, I'm back to my old crappy style again. -dozing off soon- Oh yeah, Andrew by some instance you are reading this, let's continue tomorrow then. I'm pop. My doubts are still left unclear, waiting for your explanations. Good night everybody and sleep tight. =)

*flying off to my bed*
Time: 2.30am
roslyn`

2004-02-20T17:44:00.000+08:00

Here's some tips on scoring your papers. Read On!

Heeeeeeeeellllllllllooooooooooooooo? Hmmm, looks like my blog needs some updating. Oh apologies man, my com has gone hay wired so many information were lost. If ya keen on knowing what had happened few days or weeks back, check out this web:
http://craft-x.greatestjournal.com

There it goes, common test has arrived and the atmosphere was bad. I had my English paper just yesterday, not too bad though, rather easy if you could remember, [ normal academic compare to express ] Yup, I've been doing lots of soul-researching for the past few days and hooked up to this remarkable book entitled "For Teens Only" There are over a thousand quotes and poems in it and basically it talks about stuffs concerning teenagers. Inspirational and psychological. Ah there don't give me that kind of look again, I know you guys are sick of psychological stuffs, but hey think again, many people need it.

Alright let's just put aside that first. Allow me to share with you guys some of the sensible quotes which will set you wondering.

Zora Neale Hurston- Learning without wisdom is a load of books on a donkey's back.

Confucius- Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall.

William Goldman- Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death, that's all.

Kobe Bryant- I never tried to prove anything to someone else, I wanted to prove something to myself.

Pearl S. Buck- There are two kinds of people in this world: those who have
known inescapable sorrow and those who have not.

Alicia Keys- You have to accept who you are- and that is beautiful.

I believe some of those you might have heard of but well the only reason why I would agree so intensively to reading this book is because all the solutions to your problems faced are inside! From school to making friends, to aceing your exams and the most common one, relationships. [ how do I know if he/she likes me? ]
Raise an eyebrow * So what are you waiting for? Go get it before it's borrowed by someone else! Oh between the author is Carol Weston. * Geez

Ha okay, right up next is a little info on happenings which occurred for past 2 days. Historically, my class can be considered as "popular" in school. Note that i said "popular." All subject teachers have to rant at us for at least 30 minutes before the lessons. I'm displeased to announce that all my classmates are just a bunch of bigoted hypocrites! Pardon me if anyone is offended by what i've just said but well, as i say before, i don't give a damn to whatever they wanna say as i'm just expressing my own particular opinion in written form. If you are angered, then i'm sorry, but thet does not stop me from carrying on what i've to say. You know something? My class always seemed to be full of boisterous holigans, there's simply nothing teachers can do. Until a time when Mrs Tan [ our beloved principal ] stepped in this morning. I was astounded but happy to see her. She held her authority high up and presented herself strictly. Few days ago, she went to IMH [ Institude of mental hospital ] and asked if there's any opportunity for her students to participate in any voluteering work over there and guess what was the nurse's reply? She said "I'm sorry ma'am, i'm afraid teenagers under 16 might not be able to understand the agony and pain they are going through." That sentence striked me totally. Everyone remaind silence for fear any spoken words unlock from their mouth would invite uneccessarily disputes. So there after, she left.

I just want to bring up some issues which i have been observing for a period of time. Status does matter. A lot in fact. Just take a look at what happened today and compared to the past few entries which i've wrote about my class's behaviour. I mean, it took Mrs Tan only less than 10 mins to quieten down the class whilst it took the teachers more than 30mins for them to settle down. A person who is able to present himself well wins over anything. Seriously, that's what i think. If you are not able to make youself heard, then shut up. Yup, that's how the world is like. Either you know it or you don't.

Perhaps many might have notice my purpose of having a blog isn't just to talk about myself totally, but to share my experiences with you guys out there. As i feet that not many would really contribute that much of emotions to the public. I feel a need to be heard and lets others know that they aren't the only one who have braved through all storms and darkness.

I got back my english class test paper today and it was #@#@#@#!!!!! Darn, i flunk it. Mrs Ang [ my english teacher ] took last year's O-level papers for our class test. I actually got 17/40 for it. Mostly due to my careless mistakes and comprehension which i tend to lift most of the time due to time constrain. So i was pretty sore about it, but still a smile was worn on my face all the time. =) Haha i tell myself, no worries about it, there's always room for improvement. Just a matter of attitude. Yeah.

Yawn yawn yawn....yyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwnnnnniiiiiiinnnnnggggg..

My eyelids are getting heavier and heavier, guess that's all for now. All the best for those preparing for the upcoming exams! =) You will always have my support!

Oh yeah, i do have a tip or two for examinations. Heh heh, you don't usually get such informative tips outside so better cherish me or else..... haha.

1)Study in a 18degree temperature room
2)You are required to drink 16 glass of water per day. [ esp when studying. All the more you should drink ]
3)Roll your eyes more often as this can maximise your brainpower.
4)Study with music, ever heard of baroque music? It's something like classical, if you do not have one, classical will do too as this will slow your brain down and increase your memory power.
5)When it comes to reading. Speed read for the first time, then later on use a highlighter and highlight the important points then slowly read and digest it.
6)Record notes with a variety of colours and best apply mind-maps. I knoe many out there are identically like me, people who hate to draw mind-maps, but if you wanna score in your papers, better head it this time round and you will see the results in no time.

LOL' is that enough? Maybe some of you might have already know about it but just provide a chance for those who don't alright? Yup, and ah, my left hand has been shivering non-stop for the whole of today and there were difficulties in penning down each word as it's very shaky. That's something very irritable and annoying. So yeah, see ya guys around and best of luck! Need help? Find Me. Want someone to listen? Find Me. Feeling bored and wanna call up for a chat? Find Me. Desperately gasping for advices? Find Me. Solutions to subjects in secondary 4 and above? Find others. [ teachers or tutors ] Haha. * Lurve ya all! Especially my friends! ;o)

Time: 5.02
roslyn